The Legend of Dirty Dan

The Legend of Dirty Dan 

CHAPTER ONE

The Magnificent Dozen robots are no ordinary robots. They are the stars of a waste management program.
The program was created to help clean up waste, some of which is so toxic that humans can never go near it.
The robots are passionate about their work and eager to go out and help clean the planet. There is so much
that needs to be done to save the environment, so much damage that must be corrected.

Super Steve, the senior robot, is the last one to be tested and re-tested in anticipation of the Magnificent
Dozen’s first mission. When he returns to the warehouse, the other robots surround him and ask
how he did. Super Steve responds that he passed, but he does not look happy at all. He overheard
some terrible news: instead of fulfilling their mission the next day, the robots will all be deprogrammed.
“Why would they do that?” asks Mimi Meteor, a heavy machinery demolisher who is followed by a
small robot, Cycler. Super Steve angrily replies: “Because many humans care nothing about the harm
that is being done to planet Earth. It’s being done out of greed. Our mission has been deemed too
expensive and has been cancelled.”

There is much confusion among the robots when they hear this. Jammin’ Justin  intervenes: “What are
we going to do?” “We did not go through all the programming and training for nothing,” replies Super
Steve. He continues, “We must find a way to continue our mission. But how?” he asks everyone. Mighty
Max the Analyzer says: “I analyzed the situation, and my recommendation is that we all transfer our
individual powers into one robot that will escape and carry out our mission. And that robot should be Cycler.
He is the youngest and therefore possesses the latest technology and highest memory capacity. Most
importantly, he is the smallest and only one to fit through that little trap door over there.” Mimi Meteor
is about to respond when Super Steve interrupts her: “I know, Mimi. Can Can will be his guide.”

All the robots gather and transfer their powers into Cycler’s memory before shutting down. Cycler now has
powers beyond all the other robots’ capacities, but because he isn’t fully evolved yet, he can only access
his powers through a secret code (Squeaky Clean), and only when he is ready. The last one to transfer
her power is Mimi Meteor, Cycler’s “Mom”. Can Can has been instructed to be Cycler’s guide in his escape
and on his mission to clean planet Earth and educate humans about the importance of recycling.
Cycler and Can Can sneak out of the facility that night, never to return.

CHAPTER TWO

Cycler and Can Can have been wandering the land, finding small recycling jobs to do here and there.
Cycler reads about a place called Sugartown, where the trash is high and the recycling is down. Cycler
decides that Sugartown needs their help and is a perfect place to begin carrying out the Magnificent
Dozen’s mission in earnest.

Upon their arrival in Sugartown, Cycler and Can Can stare in disbelief. Cycler is baffled at the thought
that people would allow huge piles of trash to accumulate in the middle of their town’s square. But
nevertheless, “I will try to figure out how to clean Sugartown and change its people’s bad habits,” he
thinks to himself.

Cycler may have bitten off more than he can chew when he decided to head for this town. Each and
every citizen of Sugartown, from the mayor down to the smallest child, is dedicated to the production
and consumption of sweets. It is an all consuming obsession. All of the businesses and factories have
been created around what the town is best known for: more sugar per square inch than anywhere in the world.
Sugartown’s fame draws busloads of tourists who come to satisfy their curiosity and their sweet tooths.
The unfortunate consequence of Sugartown’s success is insurmountable amounts of trash that neither
residents nor visitors bother to pick up. (Wrappers, plastic bottles, gum). They are too busy with their
sweets fixation. Cycler’s attempts to rally Sugartown’s inhabitants are met with a firm veto from the mayor
himself who demands that Cycler cease pestering the tourists. The mayor refuses to let one small
insignificant robot, an outsider at that, change the way his town has been operating.

Cycler is stunned that the mayor, of all people, refuses to take any responsibility for keeping his town
clean, let alone recycling. The mayor even threatens to throw Cycler in jail if he continues to interfere
with the town’s sweet success. This pains Cycler so much that tears well up in his eyes. Why are humans
refusing his help and completely ignoring the importance of his mission? Cycler’s work is for their own well
being…He stands on the road at the edge of town with his head down; he is completely discouraged. Can
Can tries to encourage him not to give up, but Cycler is doubtful. He has not been able to rally the
townspeople around him to carry out his mission. His efforts are too little and too slow.

Cycler is perplexed that after his entire robot family sacrificed themselves, he is not able to use the special
 powers they bestowed upon him. He heatedly asks Can Can how he is supposed to clean the planet if he
 can’t even clean up one small town?

Can Can nonchalantly reveals to Cycler that he can access his special powers by using a secret code.
At first, Cycler is dumbfounded.  He asks Can Can why he didn’t tell him this before. Can Can replies that
Cycler never asked for it before, and that meant that Cycler wasn’t ready yet. Cycler becomes ecstatic.
He grabs Can Can by the wings and twirls him around so hard that they both fall to the ground. He tells
Can Can that he is ready, that he has been ready. He asks: “So, what’s the code?” Can Can is silent.
Cycler’s excitement turns to disbelief. “You forgot it?” Cancan defends himself. “Look, I was made to fly,
not to remember secret codes. Look at me, I’m all rusty. They made me with cheap tin. What do you expect.
I can barely fly as it is.” Cycler frantically tries to get Can Can to remember the code, but to no avail.
It seems that Can Can’s memory is rusty beyond hope.

Can Can is distraught that he is failing Cycler. “Just pull out your Windex shooter and use me for target
practice. That’s all I’m good for,” he says. Cycler feels bad for his friend and comforts him. He decides
not to give up. “Come on Can Can, let’s return to town. You can still fly, can’t you?” he says. Can Can
replies “Barely.”  “Yes, you can fly. I’ve got an idea,” says Cycler.

CHAPTER THREE

In the meantime, in a nearby town called Pleasantville…The legend of Dirty Dan is unfolding. Dirty Dan
in pacing in his Devil Dirt Dump, looking down at Pleasantville. A disgusting dervish of smells and fumes,
Dirty Dan feeds on trash and drinks nothing but engine oil. He is furious because the people of
Pleasantville’s dedication to recycling has diminished the flow of trash to his dump, literally starving
him and the legions of rats that keep him company. Dirty Dan decides to punish the townspeople once again.
But this time, he will go all the way. This time he and his hungry army of rats will invade Pleasantville, dirty
the town beyond recognition and destroy its recycling center.

CHAPTER FOUR

Back in Sugartown, Cycler has put his new plan into action. He persistently stands in the town’s square
preaching cleanliness to the new busloads of visitors who brush past him, eager to buy sweets. Can Can
flies above him, circling the square with a large banner trailing behind him. It reads “HELP SUGARTOWN,
DO YOUR SHARE, TRASH BINS ARE EVERYWHERE.” Passersby are appalled by Cycler’s message.
Some move away from him, others make fun of the banner and belittle him.

Cycler feels let down. He sits in deep thought on the curb holding his head between his hands.
He is startled by a large newspaper page that unexpectedly blows onto his head. He is about to crumple
it when a loud, fast talking voice makes him freeze. A flying newspaper is trying to get his attention while
gathering all its pages at the same time. The newspaper finally lands in front of Cycler and claims its missing
page. “I got news for you, I’m Nikki the newspaper and I’m one paper you don’t want to recycle. Is that clear?
Now that we got that out of the way, read my back.” Cycler reads an ad placed by the people of Pleasantville.
It reads: “The folks of Pleasantville desperately seek the fastest Windex shooter in the West to save their
pleasant Pleasantville.” Cycler asks Nikki: “To save the town from what?”

Nikki the newspaper explains the legend of Dirty Dan: “Well, it’s about this man. Did I just say ‘man?’ Edit that.
It’s a filthy monster that lives in a dump. Actually, he owns it. He’s on a liquid diet. He drinks motor oil, breakfast,
lunch and dinner. He needs so much of it that he invades Pleasantville and siphons the oil out of every car.
Can you imagine the chaos? On top of that, he loads his guns with oil and shoots at everyone. Not to mention
his army of rats. I’ve seen them, they’re big, they’re terrifying. So, the people of Pleasantville heard about
you, Cycler, and determined that you were their only hope. So listen up, I need a quick answer. I’m on
deadline for tonight’s edition.”

Cycler is affected by this tale, but he is discouraged and unsure. He tells Nikki: “You know, I’d love to help,
but it will take a super power to save the town from Dirty Dan, and I don’t have what it takes. Look around.
I’ve been in this town for a year and its people are dirtying it even more just to spite me. I am really not
qualified.” Nikki angrily flutters his pages right in front of Cycler’s face. “This can’t be true. I did my research
in the news archives. I know all about you and your family, the Magnificent Dozen. You are most definitely
and definitively listed as the fastest shooter in the West, and that’s what the town needs.”

Cycler is unconvinced: “I’m flattered, but your sources are outdated. They should list me as the Failure
of the West.” Nikki the newspaper does not accept Cycler’s response. He hovers, shouting: “Listen up.
Read all about it. I’m printing tonight’s edition as I speak. I’m spreadin’ the news. Cycler comes to town.
Nah, too boring. Oh! I got it! This is good. Recycling hero comes to town. Nah, this has to be big.
I GOT IT! Recycling hero and fastest Windex shooter in the West comes to town. OK, that’s a print. You
can’t make a liar out of me – I’m the news! See ya in the papers.” He carries on, congratulating himself
"This is the story I’ve been waiting for. With a little luck and a lot of ink, this will go national. Goodbye small
town bake sale recipes, hello big city reporting: politics, the economy, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand SPORTS!
I’m gonna cover ALL the games. Oh yeah! Take me out to the ball game – Who let the dogs out, who,
who, who – We will we will rock you – I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep
me down. Oh yeah! Hot dogs. Onions. Ketsup. Mustard. Wait a minute, hold the presses! What am I
running at the mouth about? I can’t eat that stuff, I’m a newspaper!”
He catches himself, looks around, rearranges his pages: “Gotta go. There’s a storm coming. Gotta
get back before my pages are soaked. Cuz when I’m soaked, I’m paralyzed, and when I’m paralyzed,
I’m out of a job.” He flies away and yells “See ya on the front page.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Dirty Dan stands on top of a heaping pile of trash, looking down at thousands of  frenzied rats. He
yells the command they have been waiting for: “Death to cleanliness. Destroy Pleasantville!” Dirty
Dan leads his rats to town and begins his dirty war on Pleasantville. They invade its streets and homes,
spreading filth and fear as they go. Dirty Dan yells: “I am Dirty Dan, I am a polluting machine, feel my
power!” He leaves people gasping and plants dying in his wake. He sucks oil from all the vehicles.
What he doesn’t drink, he uses to fill his oil guns. He squirts people as they run away, covering
his targets with the thick goopy stuff. Everyone is immobilized.

Simultaneously, the rats spread their own kind of terror. They infiltrate buildings and homes in a
feeding frenzy. They chew baby toys, plastic, wood, newspaper! They get inside building walls
and pop up everywhere. They fill the supermarket, eating their way through the shelves. They
invade the compost bins, feeding and nesting everywhere. The townspeople are terrified. Some
have fainted.

As Dirty Dan and his rodent army near the recycling center, some of the more courageous townspeople
beg Nikki the newspaper to escape and find Cycler. No one else can get out because Dirty Dan has
emptied the oil from all the vehicles. Nikki’s response is less than heroic: “I already talked to him.”
He looks at the cloudy sky. “Besides, the rain is coming. I’ll be paralyzed. My ink’s gonna run and I’ll be
all washed out. I’ll be blank and plain. A nobody. I worked really hard…” The recycling center’s mascot,
Betty Bottle, interrupts: “Stop your sniveling.  Where’s your sense of responsibility and civic duty? May
I remind you that time is running out. Dirty Dan and his rats are on their way here to destroy our recycling
center. If they succeed, the first thing to go will be the recycled paper you use to print the news, and you
will be out of a job.”  Betty Bottle’s argument gets Nikki’s attention. She continues: “And this town would
not be the same without you, Nikki. I sure would miss reading you every day.” She smiles and flutters her
eyelashes. Nikki melts: “It’s getting hot here. I can’t handle sweat. I’d better go then.” 

CHAPTER SIX

Nikki the newspaper returns to Sugartown, only to find Cycler and Can Can being escorted out of town
by the mayor and the Sheriff. The mayor condemns Cycler’s attempts to clean up the town and threatens
to have him put in jail if he ever returns.

A wet, exhausted Nikki flops in front of Cycler. “Dry me, please dry me”, he gasps. Cycler quickly heats
his bottles and runs the paper in between them to dry him and flatten him out. The paper sighs. “Thank you,
that was a close one. I thought I was going to lose it. My ink, that is. Ohmygosh, the recycling center! We’re
about to lose it! Dirty Dan has attacked. It’s a disaster, the likes of which we have never seen. Mass
destruction, devastation! Pleasantville will never be the same, unless you come and save us. I beg you!”
Nikki turns around and reveals a front page picture of Dirty Dan and the rats heading for the recycling
center. Cycler is outraged. “He can’t do that. I won’t let him. I won’t let him. Let’s go.”

 CHAPTER SEVEN

Cycler, Nikki and Can Can are greeted by more chaos in Pleasantville. As they make their way to the
recycling center, a child runs to them, shouting: “Please hurry. Betty Bottle and the others are trying
to save the center, but Dirty Dan is already inside.”

As they rush inside the center, Nikki is knocked down by a giant squirt of oil. He screams:
“I’ve been hit, I’m down! Help!” Cycler runs to Nikki, who urgently says: “Cycler, go inside
the warehouse and get replacement pages from the paper recycling bin. Quick.” Without wasting
a moment, Cycler runs inside the warehouse, followed by Can Can who squeaks as he flaps. The
rust has gotten the best of him and he can barely fly any more.

They discover that rats have already infested the bins and are chewing on everything. Cycler
realizes that something must be done quickly in order to save Nikki and the recycling center.
After all, Pleasantville is what he hopes every town will be. For the very first time, Cycler does
not hesitate. He is willing to sacrifice himself to save what he stands for: recycling for a healthy,
clean environment for all future generations. He must confront Dirty Dan and stop him no matter
what. He grabs the few whole pieces of paper he can find and runs outside to where Nikki is lying
on the ground. “Here! Fresh pages. Get yourself cleaned up. Can Can, I need you to help me find Dirty Dan.”

Nikki flutters all his fresh pages into order and rises stronger, and louder than ever. Here’s the big
news-breaking story he has been waiting for. He flies all over town, shouting: “Ladies and gents,
boys and girls, hear this special high noon edition – Showdown at the Recycling Corral. Cycler,
the fastest Windex shooter in the West faces Devil Dirty Dan to save pleasant Pleasantville!” All
the citizens are drawn from behind closed doors, shuttered windows and other hiding places by
this news. They gather and head to the Recycling Corral.

In the meantime, Cycler and Can Can come face to face with Dirty Dan, who is trying to fill Betty
Bottle with oil. “Let her go. I’m the one you want. I’ve come to clean up the town…from dirty
scoundrels like you,” says Cycler. Dirty Dan immediately drops Betty Bottle, who joins the
townspeople gathered all around. Dirty Dan bursts out laughing. “Ha ha ha ha ha. HA HA HA
HA HA. AHAA HAA HAA. So you’re Cycler. You think you can stop me? Oh. Windex… I’m
much faster than you. Go ahead and draw.” Faster than light, Dirty Dan outdraws Cycler
and shoots him with multiple squirts of oil. Cycler is immobilized, helpless. The expectant
townspeople are crushed. Their only hope lies in the dirt, covered in oil while Dirty Dan exults in victory.

Can Can, who has been watching tensely, hops to Cycler. He leans over him, with tears running
down his rusty sides. “You’ll make it, Cycler. I’ll get you cleaned up again, you’ll see,” says Can
Can. Cycler replies “He’s much faster, Can Can. I never had a chance. Not without the secret
code, not without my special powers.” Can Can can no longer contain himself. He goes over
to Dirty Dan, even though he is so rusty now that he can’t fly straight and keeps dropping closer
to the ground. Dirty Dan sees him coming and laughs again. “Is this the best you can do, you silly
piece of tin? Well I guess I’ll just have to grease you too.” Can Can stands his ground and replies:
“Ok, you big ugly bully. Bring on the oil, you don’t scare me.” Dirty Dan whips out his oil gun in
a display of gunsmanship and squirts Can Can from between his legs. The shots leave Can Can covered in oil.

As everyone stares at him, Can Can begins to absorb the oil, rejuvenating his wings, joints, and circuits. Soon,
he begins to flutter his wings, faster and faster until they become a blur. He takes off into the air, fast and
precise as a humming bird. He shoots straight up and stays, yelling: “That’s what I needed all along. A good
dose of grease!” He yells even louder as he dives toward Cycler: “I got it Cycler! I got it! Squeaky Clean,
the password … is … Squeaky … Clean! Say it, fast!” Cycler closes his eyes and remembers his Mom, Mimi
Meteor. “Ok, Mom,” he says to himself, “this is it. Wish me luck.” Cycler says the password out loud.
“Squeaky Clean!” Cycler rises and stands with his feet apart and his fists tight. Everyone watches in
awe as his bottles flip open and unleash magnetic fields of energy that surround Cycler and transform
him into the super hero his family had intended him to be. His rear bottles pop out and turn into rocket
boosters that flash him into the air. His arms extend with new metallic wings and he flies in front of Dirty
Dan. He steadies himself, opens his arms. “You will do no more harm, Dirty Dan,” he says. “As of today,
you are banished from Pleasantville forever.” Cycler points his arms at Dirty Dan. A rumbling begins as
magnetic energy shoots from his fingers and forms a swirling force that surrounds Dirty Dan. It spins
faster and faster, growing until it becomes a cyclone that lifts him off the ground. Cycler rapidly drops
his arms and the cyclone carries Dirty Dan up into the atmosphere. 

CHAPTER EIGHT

Pleasantville is pleasant again. A fair in honor of Cycler and Can Can has brought music and laughter
to the newly clean town. The mayor rededicates the recycling center in Cycler’s honor. Everyone is
in the main square, waiving goodbye to the heroes. Betty Bottle runs through the crowd, yelling
Cycler’s name. Catching her breath, she asks Cycler if she can come with him. Cycler is touched, but
is also concerned that she would miss the town. Betty Bottle is ready to see the world. She believes
in Cycler’s grand mission, and feels that now that the town is safe, she can contribute more by being
at his side. Cycler accepts and the three of them head off.

A loud, fast talking voice booms at them. Surprise, surprise, it’s Nikki the newspaper, yelling: “Hey,
where are you going without me? Betty, how could you leave me? Cycler, I have news for you, you
need me! Can Can, tell him to stop!” Nikki catches up to them, and takes a breath: “Oh, hi guys. Uh,
where are we going?” Cycler replies: “We, Nikki?” Nikki stands straight and clears his throat: “You need
me. Don’t you get it? The news? I’ll guarantee free publicity for all your work. Second page, all right, all right…
front-page coverage of all your exploits. What do you say, Cycler, we can be a great team. You saw the
picture of you I put on the front page? I did the retouching, you know. Didn’t you look good?” Cycler
gives up with a smile: “All right, all right, Nikki. Welcome to the adventures of Cycler.” Nikki winks
at Betty Bottle, whose pink lemonade bursts with happy bubbles. Cycler gathers his friends around
him, closes his eyes and says: “Squeaky Clean.” A magic carpet of energy forms underneath them.
Cycler’s arms extend and provide metal belts to hold everyone safely. Cycler yells: "I pledge with all
my might to protect our great planet Earth and to give all living creatures tender loving care, to have
a healthy and caring home, to live and be happy for ever and ever and ever.” Everyone cheers
as they take off into a new tomorrow.